Social Anxiety: Something That I Never Realized I Had

Getting Past my "Past"

My childhood was not all kitties and rainbows, but more thunderstorms and snakes.  There were two things that got me through the lonely days of being stuck at home due to a "strict family" that sheltered my sister and I from just about everything.  We were not even allowed to got outside to play.  In addition to that, our backyard was mostly concrete with like one strip of grass that had a fig tree growing in it.  This depletion of experiences that a normal child would have led to me feeling secluded or outcast-ed, besides things that would happen at school.  Every aspect of "interacting" with other people my age was full of despair, fear, and left me to be mostly to myself.  My weight problems stemmed from being mostly at home playing video games and not moving around like most kids would.  I was very inactive and depressed on top of that.  I was over 300 pounds for more than half of my younger years, up until the age of 19.  I did not even make my first real "friend" until starting at Delgado Community College.  Once the weight came off, I was more outgoing and healthier, but, I never took time to work on the mental aspect of my physical changes, so, even to this day, I struggle with how I see myself.  The self hate can get bad some days and all I can do is lay in my bed crying.  The only thing that helps me out in the slightest is exercise.  Not only does it physically make me "look better," but it also helps to release endorphins that make me "happier." Only problem is when they are all burned out, I slip right back into my depressed state.  It is a great feeling but a fleeting one.  

My Introduction to Pokemon "GO"

When rumors of an app that would allow you to play "Pokemon" outside were circling, of course I was curious about it.  I think it took me a couple of days to download it once it was released, though, because my constant doubting in myself had me wondering would I even do well with playing it.   I buckled down, downloaded it, and chose to be on team Mystic, which was mainly because I did favor Articuno.  

I had not really interacted with any other players and even had not realized that "stops" were a thing, having me buying Pokeballs in the in-game shop.  Once I realized they gave out items, I was really curious as to what I might get with the more I spun.  The other part of the game that was new to me was "raiding."  In the original handheld versions, you had one chance of catching any legendary and that was it.  You also had to locate them within the game, be it in a cave, up in a tower, or through completion of the full "story mode" of the actual game.  So, there was one day where I ventured out to City Park one day because I heard of the immense amount of stops and gyms available.  I rounded a corner and saw a group of people, which kind of caught me off guard.  They saw me, asked if I was playing Pokemon "GO," and if I was here for the "raid." I was not sure what a raid actually was but had a "pass" and jumped in with the group that was there.  They were from all three of the different teams: Mystic, Valor, or Instinct. 

 When the raid was over, one of the guys asked another one to add me to their "slack" group, which I had no clue as to what that was.  Come to find out, it was an app they used to organize raid groups, research call outs, rare spawns for higher "IV" Pokemon, and to chat among themselves.  I joined the "BLUEROUGAROU" slack that day.  It has now become one of the most memorable moments of my Pokemon "GO" journey.